However, as I said, I think people who really like each other want to make that jump even if they aren't completely ready. It is not too late to walk away, and find someone who really cares about you. I say don't waste your time. You and your best friends go explore Europe together for a year. Unfortunately, people often stay in unhappy (and sometimes even abusive!) You get half when you leave. If a man truly wants to commit he will. And you're falling for his tricks. [–]MizDiana 5 points6 points7 points 2 months ago* (0 children). If He Won’t Commit Put Him on Probation Generally, if you’ve been dating for over three months and your partner isn’t Paint the f'ing living room. Please share faithful experiences, personal growth, successes, anything virtuous, lovely, praiseworthy, as well as struggles, seeking understanding, etc. Honestly I know this may not be what you want to hear, but I wouldn't worry too much about it. It's his position now, and probably won't change. He spends most of his days on his computer when he's not at work, and if he does happen to come out to see me, he goes right back shortly after if I so much as bring up the wedding. 2) "it's like he bought the ring to shut me up about marriage.". I ask him if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore to please tell me he won’t even give me an answer he changes conversation all the time or pretends he is sleeping and pretends he He Won’t Commit But Won’t Let Go – 5 Relationship Experts Reveal Exactly What To Do by Dawn Ramezany – LMHC, Hollis Wall – MA, LMHCA, Cheri McDonald – PhD, LMFT, Rachel Saenger – MA, LPC-S, LMFT-S, Heather Petitpas – MEd, LMHC sacrifice yourself over and over to deserve a supportive & loyal partner. He knows he doesn't want kids with you, he just doesn't want to tell you because he knows you'll leave him. I can’t tell you what to do, but there does seem to be some imbalance in the relationship. Is anybody excited about the gospel and the church? He's not treating you like you deserve to be treated. My advice to you is to RUN! My ex-boyfriend [24M] told me [20F] "I like you, but I can't commit right now". So a week after their wedding he agreed to get me a ring. won’t commit or move in. #3 - Disallowed: No NSFW, offensive content (including usernames), persuading others against current church teachings, excessive criticism about its leaders (past and present), or temple ceremony details. They've already spent so much time, effort, money, energy and emotions on a relationship that they're terrified to end it and never "recoup" their investment. Every idea I have for the wedding gets shot down. Give me funeral potatoes or give me death! "I don't push him because I don't want to start an argument.". You may love him. He also insists on paying the mortgage by himself, with his own account, every month. no matter how long you wait, no matter how many downs you endure, no matter how patient you are. I should have listened. Trisha_Marie I'm 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. Just beautiful. You giving up a lot for him buys you NOTHING. After a long marriage ends, it’s important to spend some time healin… I was the one who was too afraid to make the commitment of going to the temple! Wait, he wants to serve a mission, then move in with you until he’s ready to get married? And, you just aren't that into him, either. A lot. dating for three years long distance... ive agreed to wait for him... ’ll have graduated and have been working for 1.5 years for us to have some cash to fall on when we get married and for him to finish his degree... staying in rexburg, by myself. A few years ago a couple of close friends of ours got engaged. No I am not saying your boyfriend is gay - not in the least - what I am saying is that when a man tells you he doesn’t want to commit and or won’t commit to you and breaks up or pushes a break up accept that he doesn’t want to You need to get away from this guy, yesterday. Had I heard the same thing, I would straight up sit him down that night and asked him "Without any bullshit, do you really want to marry me?" tl;dr: BF/Fiance of 16 years has no problem agreeing to commit to me, but when it comes time to actually do it he's flaky/reserved. They had a two year engagement saving for their wedding. When he gets home spend some time dating each other and being in love. People CAN change. [–]joshcarr6 2 points3 points4 points 2 months ago (0 children). [–]robmba 13 points14 points15 points 2 months ago (0 children). As Florida Georgia Line so aptly put it, if it's meant to be, it'll be. He's rigged your relationship so he gets whatever he wants through emotional manipulation. But he was more scared of losing me forever. It really sounds like you are putting much more into this than he is, as far as long term commitment toward marriage. I'm a 42 year old white guy and waited to get married until I was 33 so this is just my opinion and I don't know if it will be useful to you. 4. All of this is compounded by the fact you're dating long-distance. I've spent over half of my life with this man and I've always dreamed of a huge wedding. The peculiarity of our People. You've been together since you were 13! If he won’t commit, let him experience missing you. Be civil and uplifting. He is now my almost-perfect husband of 12 years and my best friend. Source: I'm in my late 20s and wasted 4 years w a boy who was never going to propose. He said he had a huge plan to surprise me to propose, but I never heard anything else about it. If you were both still interested in two years, then of course you could continue with it. But that's not true. You're not the first person to suggest that his insistence on solely paying for the house is to cover his ass just in case things do go south. Reply Link. OP, you've wasted your 20s on a go-nowhere relationship with a guy who doesn't honestly love or cherish you that much. How happy would that marriage be, knowing that your spouse is only there because you exhausted them into settling? Graduate and get out of Rexburg (literally and figuratively). And prophets have taught that young men should go on a mission. It's amazing within a year of dating he proposed to her. You misunderstood. But it's time for you to gracefully move on". Other than a roof over your head, what are you getting out of this relationship? It's not fair to you to place your life on hold for that long. It's been about 6 months and we've picked a date (with much pushing on my part), but he wants nothing to do with any wedding planning unless it's to voice his dislike of something I've done. You do not have to (and should not!!) #4 - Other Content: Please use other subs for politics, excessive debating, and other narratives about this church. [–]tesuji42 11 points12 points13 points 2 months ago* (0 children). Frequently discussed topics may be removed and relegated to sticky threads here. [–]Lamballi 1 point2 points3 points 2 months ago (0 children). Gorgeous venue. Marriage has its own perks, but there is no need to rush into it. It's hard to talk to friend's about it because the ones who do know the whole situation think he proposed just to get everyone (including me) off of his back about it. And, "freaking out" or "getting upset" when marriage is brought up, or putting that marriage off into the indefinite future, is a pretty good tell that he's just not that into you. That makes no sense at all. [–]zelphdoubts 3 points4 points5 points 2 months ago (0 children). /r/Relationships is a community built around helping people and the goal of providing a platform for interpersonal relationship advice between redditors. It is a huge leap of faith for some people. No shared account after that long? Are you just staying with him because you've been with him for so long? [–]madibird23 3 points4 points5 points 2 months ago (1 child), [–]SeeItDifferently 5 points6 points7 points 2 months ago (0 children). He's just not that into you. Seriously, I wouldn't have accepted either the ring or that proposal to be honest I bet you 100 dollars that he didn't even explain the "huge plan to surprise you", because that was bullshit. Are you okay with this being the rest of your life? If it works out when he gets back, then you will be that much better off from your own experiences while he is out having his. This sub is for members and friends of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. REDDIT and the ALIEN Logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc. π Rendered by PID 13335 on r2-app-03414a9b84757b1d1 at 2021-03-09 13:16:13.269954+00:00 running 8647648 country code: US. Go see Madagascar. Maybe you feel like you've sunk too much time in this relationship to walk away. This truth is so hard that we had to be put into a mortality where we could choose to love God (or not! I feel more like a roommate than his future wife. PS - it doesn't matter who pays the mortgage. For various reasons (including when no one is at fault) you can find out things just aren't working. It's not almost like that. "If your boyfriend can't give you what you need/want, it's not his fault. When you are trying to figure out why he won’t commit to you, it’s never easy. We've been dating for 3 years but my boyfriend won't commit. Break up and see if you still even want to get back together in 2 years after his mission. Yes, it is difficult, but if this person doesn't want to commit after five years it is unlikely that he will commit at all.... Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. So we tried again, with more commitment. So, if he casually says he doesn’t want a commitment while acting exactly like your boyfriend, he might mean he’s committed to something else: singlehood. My suggestion would be have your boyfriend read this President Monson talk from April 2011. Cool it until he's back. You haven't been actively dating in person. She was the queen of 'always a bridesmaid, never a bride'.. Thank you. You have the idea that marriage means neither of you have a choice, things are settled, and so your future is reliable. And definitely don't get married now. He caught on to the bad mood I was in during their engagement and wedding, and I told him why I was upset. It was only then that he realised how devastated he was and he came racing back, full of commitment and poured out his heart. He has very strong opinions about what our wedding shouldn't be, but doesn't want to talk about the wedding at all to give me an idea of what he does want. I don't push him because I don't want to start an argument. I totally disagree. That would be a no go, for hopefully obvious reasons. Best thing is to live your life and see what happens. and join one of thousands of communities. I just wonder what you are getting out of the relationship. If it doesn't work out, you will be better off for dropping the dead weight sooner rather than later. Honestly, everyone deserves to receive this level of acceptance and encouragement from the ones they love. You can cajole. You're still very young. It’s understandable why men are scared to commit, especially if they’re dating again after divorce. You're too afraid of being alone to see the incredibly obvious truth here. [–]solarhawks 6 points7 points8 points 2 months ago (0 children). There's no rush to getting married. But he's no ready for marriage, apparently. Instead of being filled with anxiety about this just stop thinking and talking about it until you are together again. It doesn't change. Perhaps he knows he is uncertain if he wants to spend lots of time around you. I should have listened. I began planning and looking at wedding stuff because I figured it would eventually happen, but he never seemed interested. Stop. What do you guys think? (Someone else here suggested he shouldn't go on a mission. Joseph Smith's Translation Projects: a Revelatory--Secular Continuum. Every time I mention something we could do (like paint) or show him something I like, he either tells me it's dumb or says he doesn't like it. Move on and if he comes around later and you are still interested, you can still decide to be with him then. Rick has not allowed me to put any personal touches on our home. I'm very lonely. He wants you two to live together after his mission before you get married? Maybe you never are completely ready - you just leap. /u/Kspicegirl is exactly right about that. Get an ad-free experience with special benefits, and directly support Reddit. Move on. He won’t commit but won’t let me go either. This is is false. Very often we women are unfortunately taught that we must earn our partner. What makes this more confusing is when he acts like a boyfriend. Even though we own a home together and have been together for 16 years, I still feel like just a roommate to him, like he can't really commit to me. I had this exact question after reading this post. The right guy will want to be with you with no coaxing whatsoever. We've been together since high school and when I picture my future, it always includes him. Hold up! But it sounds to me like he’s hoping to manipulate you into not doing something you are ready for. Like what, he's surprised that wedding planning takes place after you get engaged!? She said neither do I. Your story is much like my older sisters. Nor are you a pursuit predator, trying to wear out your prey until they have no choice but to finally love you back. It is one thing to delay marriage until one of you complete a mission or maybe until a school term, but 10 years is just too long. I feel more like a roommate than his future wife. We dated for 16 years (1994 until 2010) before we got married. We have 3 beautiful children. Here is my advice: End this relationship. That's what it sounds like from this end too. If recommend ignoring this. He used something he knows you want deeply (marriage) as a weapon against you. He insisted on a long engagement (at least a year), and didn't want to set a date at first. I went with him to buy it. In fact, we own a home together. Do you want to waste your 30s as well, before almost inevitably breaking up with this dud? Some mission presidents make a big deal in their exit interviews about their missionaries should get married after they leave the mission field. We seek posts from users who have specific and personal relationship quandaries that other redditors can help them try to solve. We've now been sealed for 10 years. From this post it doesn't even look like you're a couple of any kind, at all. Use NP linking when cross-posting, as explained here. First, you need to make sure this is the guy you really want in your life forever. That kind of discussion happens when people are engaged. Rendered by PID 13335 on r2-app-03414a9b84757b1d1 at 2021-03-09 13:16:13.269954+00:00 running 8647648 country code: US. Though we've lived in it for a while, it looks the same as when we moved in, with the exception of the room his computer is in, which is decorated to his liking. It got to the point that when we would visit his family, they'd ask us "so did it happen yet?" He won’t commit but won’t let me go either. This is part of his personality which you have clearly expressed you doing like. Take a break. She packs up and goes to our Grandmothers across the country to get away for two weeks to think. My mom's baptism gift to an inactive family with a visually impaired son. And You're hoping to deal with this uncertainty through taking away options. This means it's time to shift the conversation to....why are you holding onto him? To borrow the words of Matthew McConaughey, "all right, all right, all right," not all men are liars. He said no. I should find out what the laws are in my state, though. You can do literally anything right now. He doesn't call her or text her. If he is going on a mission, he should not be talking marriage anyway. and we'd know they meant an engagement. He claims commitment issues and that's why he won't settle down, but almost in every other sense of the word we are together, after ten months shouldn't he know?? If you cheated on your ex-boyfriend then he is probably still really hurt by the breakup and is finding it hard to trust you. Allow yourself to have fun without expectation of anything more. You're not happy with the idea of waiting - so maybe he shouldn't go on a mission, for the sake of your relationship (assuming that right now he wants to be with you). 🔥 New Reddit Stories Everyday! So you are smitten, head over heals, seeing forever but he won't commit to a relationship with you. Major red flag. He should serve a mission and you should focus on school. If it's meant to be it will happen (and probably fast). Is it because he doesn't think he wants to be with you forever? He still wants me in his life, how can I make it work? Don't beg for for the leftovers of his attention, care or respect. I pay some utilities and buy groceries, almost as though I'm paying "rent" to live in his home. A lot. Divorces happen, yes, within believing couples too. You haven't been assigned to him, nor has he been assigned to you, as a "one and only.". relationships simply due to inertia and sunken costs. You have to ultimately decide what is true for you. Live your life, date other people, work, travel, and otherwise be your best self. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. He told my close friend's husband (they're friends) that he regrets proposing because I've been "going crazy" about the wedding, and that he wouldn't have proposed had he known what I was going to act like. But I was ready & willing to move on. And you are (correctly) worried about how he will feel after years apart from each other (you should also consider how you will feel after years apart from him - that is unknown). There is no "relationship degree" where, if one puts in the hours and does the work, one is bestowed with a "Marriage" certificate (or "Earn Loving Spouse" achievement if you're already married.). Not a thing. A lot can change between now and a mission. You deserve to have a fiance who is excited about marrying you. It shouldn't be hard to plan a wedding or be with someone - you guys should be so excited. I love my boyfriend. Just like he didn't seem interested in me back then, he isn't now. ), [–]8bluealpacas 12 points13 points14 points 2 months ago (0 children). We use cookies on our websites for a number of purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising.